Top 5 ways to make people say the phrase, "I don't need a pencil":

  1. asking someone who is holding a pencil if they need a pencil
  2. asking someone who is swimming if they need a pencil
  3. giving a pencil to the "I don't need a pencil" guy from a made up sitcom that I just made up
  4. offering a pencil to a person who is starving to death... And, also, he really needs a pen
  5. teaching a child from birth that "I don't need a pencil" means "more pasta please"